02-21-2019 Lesson 7 Cultural and Pshychology

OUGHT SELF V.S. REAL SELF AND SELF-ESTEEM

I have being married for more than 21 years, at the beginning of our marriage my husband and I planned our family who was in charge of things, so he was going to be the provider and I was going to be in charge of raising our future children and our home. I become a stayed home woman, and then we had our first kid, we had heard that I shouldn´t work out of home so I didn´t.

We struggle financially very much, but we still kept our family plan.  In my country there are a lot of woman that work and raise their children, and it is acceptable.  After some years I met some of my coworkers and students and they were wonder why I didn´t have a job. Some of them asked me if my husband was a macho. But we were trying to follow the advice to be a stayed home mom to raise my children.

It was around 7 years ago when I started to make cakes for selling, I felt good and to be honest my self-esteem was higher than my first years of marriage. I don´t mean that I didn´t enjoy being a stayed home mom, I loved it and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to raise my children and be able to live every experience possible with them, but I needed something where I could develop my talents and feel that I was being productive.

Then I joined the Pathway Program and BYUI online later.  So after these years I realized that I needed more, my culture stated an ought self I must pursue, a married woman, with children and a job, a career, that would be a succeeded woman.

At the beginning of my years of  going back to my education path I realized that I spent a lot of time at my school assignments, until one day after many arguments my husband told me that he was afraid he was loosing his wife and my kids their mom.  In pursue of becoming a succeed woman I change my priorities and I became a selfish woman, I was blessed that I could understand my mistakes and made some changes I am still getting an education but now I am focused on becoming and learning little by little going one step at a time.

We all have different ought self v.s. real self that are determined in our culture, but in order to succeed which means to become the best version of ourselves  we must consider what to do, when and how to do it, even if it is not what our society determines. In as much as your real self connects with the ought self  your self-esteem will become higher.

In the past girls didn´t pursue an education many of my friends only got a High School diploma, but lately our cultural ideas changed and many are getting prepared and receiving an education which is very inspiring. Now in my classroom I try to guide my female students to keep on the hard work and don´t stop until they get a degree, just as their bothers and male friends because we can do it too.

I chose my culture ought self which is no Mexican culture  but it is the culture of a disciple of Jesus Christ and I will have to make many changes but I know they will be worthy and will bring me real happiness and joy.